I am...erratic. I have fallen out of touch with the people around me (both those in physical proximity and those near in heart but far in body) and I'm not much of a conversationalist these days. Maybe I'm self-absorbed lately, or maybe I'm just adrift. At any rate, here I am blogging to you, B, instead of having what passes for a real conversation on the internet.
This post (as yours are wont to do) got me thinking. I've had my share of "cuddle buddies" with mixed results. In thinking about the past, I started to think that the only "safe" cuddle buddies I had were gay boys, but then I remembered an article I'd read and the discussion that had followed about romance.
I had a friend once. I still think of him as a friend, even though we haven't spoken in ages and he forgot my birthday this year. Life gets in the way, I get it. It doesn't make him any less dear to me, nor does it tarnish the memories we made together.
For one weekend, we were almost in love. We definitely loved each other; we said as much. We walked around holding hands, or arm in arm. We ate together, played together, laughed together, had long conversations about grammar while I was in the shower. Late at night we'd curl up on the floor together and talk: about his girlfriend, about the man I was in love with but couldn't be with, about our jobs and our families and anything and everything. It was love. It was romance. It was fun and exciting and sweet and intimate. What it wasn't, remotely, was sexual. We didn't so much as kiss; if he wanted to, he never let on, and it never even crossed my mind.
Did I have a point to this? I don't even know. Maybe it's just that you're not so strange, B :)
Thanks Jacki,
ReplyDeleteIt is true, life seems to get in the way... Multi-tasking is a myth. Even with multi-processors or a severed Corpus Callosum we can only do so much. To take the time for ourselves, to 'recharge', 'escape', get some perspective or just plain run the F@K away from S#*t. I can't imagine doing all that I would ever want in the time that we have in a single day. Yes, I was WAY more able to get more done when I was younger, and had a much less responsibility to others and what THEY want from me. Ugh.
I suspect that you might be like me, where I will see a friend that I have Not seen in years and be able to change gears, jump right back into a conversation, a friendship [even if only short lived]. My friends are my friends even if they are on the other side of the planet. (as they were for the last few years.
Oh, and BTW, I have always taken 'weird' or 'strange' as a compliment, as Odd is part of me.
P.S. Some day we will meet, and I assure you that you will have a friend in me. (...and No, I am not a cannibal.)