Love and truth.

“The worst thing you can be is a liar….Okay fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but THEN, number two is liar. Nazi 1, Liar 2.″ - Sam Halpern

I absolutely hate being lied to. It's just about one of the most selfish, hurtful, disrespectful things you can do to a person. When you lie to someone, you're 1) assuming the person you're lying to is too stupid to figure it out, 2) showing that you don't think their worthy of honesty, and 3) taking advantage of trust that they chose to invest in you.

And I really can't stand it when people think it's okay to lie by omission. The ones who keep something from you, and when you confront them about it, they treat you like you're stupid and say "well, you didn't ask" as if that justifies it. When someone I care about does that to me, it feels like a knife in my heart.

When you lie to someone, it affects everyone that person cares about, because every betrayal makes it harder for that person to trust again. It's not just the simple pain that comes from finding out you've been lied to, it's the subsequent fear, anxiety, paranoia...the stress of questioning everything and everyone.

I'd rather be beaten, stabbed, or shot than be lied to.

adrift

I'm trying to put all my energy into the present and future, in the hopes that I can stop the past from continuing to cause me pain. And it occurs to me that part of that is letting go of who I was and coping with who I've become.

So many things I used to love don't even appeal to me anymore. Three new video games have come out, ones that I was looking forward to but ultimately didn't care enough about to buy. The only music I listen to now is dubstep, because everything else makes me sad. I hardly watch movies or TV anymore.

I don't even talk to people as much. I socialize at work - and I'm so lucky, because I love the girls I work with - but when I go home, I crawl straight into bed and look for ways to distract myself till it's time to sleep.

There were only two people left that I could talk to. Two people I felt safe and comfortable with.

Then last night my best friend told me he doesn't give a shit anymore. I don't even know if it's my fault or not. What do you even say to that? I guess sometimes the only way to be a good friend is to not tell someone when they're being a bad one.

So here I am, on the raggedy edge, trying my best to make it through the next few months.

She took the midnight train (except it leaves at 3AM)...

At 2:30 tomorrow morning I'll head to the train station. It'll take me 12 hours to get to Chicago, and my love will already be there waiting for me! Going to Qdoba with Skittles and finding some source of amusement for three hours, then another 3 hour train ride to Battle Creek and then an hour drive back to his house. We get to spend seven days and eight nights together, including our 7 month anniversary. I can't wait to see him again. It's been more than four months. We don't really have any plans and I don't care. I just want to wrap my arms around him again.

Huge added bonus that I get to see some of my favorite people while I'm up there.

This couldn't come at a better time. I need a break from the stress so badly.