Swinging around so quickly it makes my head spin.

The good: I'm not dizzy anymore! Turns out, when I fell and hit my head last week, I knocked the crystals in my left ear out of place. I went home at noon and did the Epley maneuvers and POOF! Problem solved!

The bad: I want a hamster. Like I've said, I can't have my cat at home, so I only get to see him a couple hours a week. It would be so nice if I had a cuddly little buddy waiting for me when I get home.

Roommate says - ask the owner of the house.

Owner of the house says - no, hamsters smell.

Okay, hamsters don't smell. And even if they did, it's gonna be in a cage, in my room, affecting no one but me.

I'm almost 30 years old and this is how little control I have of my own life. I can't even get a freaking hamster.

The window's cracked, I'm looking out.

I passed my neuro tests. My bloodwork came back normal.

We don't know why I'm losing my mind.

I'm coping with my stress...right? I have my moments when I curl up in bed and cry, or when I want to. But I think I'm okay.

But then...why does my brain feel so disconnected from my body? Why can't I tell my dreams from my reality?

They want to double my meds. They think I'm not coping as well as I think I am.

I want OFF the meds. I think they might be screwing me up...although why now, after four months, I don't know. But what if they're right and I'm wrong? What if I quit the meds when I need them most? I really don't want this to get worse.

I don't know. I guess I'll try praying harder.

Can't boil water without burning a few angels.

My second week in the new place, and already a kitchen fire.

My tub drains slow. We poured some de-clogger down the drain. I put a pot of water on to boil.

Moments later, my roommate says "What's that sound?"

"I spilled a little water on the stovetop, it's just burning off."

"Um...are you sure?"

I go to investigate - and there's brown smoke billowing into the kitchen.

I turned on the wrong burner. Not the one with the teapot on it, but the one behind it. The one with the ceramic angel candle holder.

The house still smells AWFUL.

FailCat ahoy.

I should have taken the blue pill!

Monday night, I had a crazy dream. It was so real and so vivid that I was completely lost when I woke up.

I was in California. It was beautiful, must have been Spring. I was visiting my friends. I remember being on my phone, arguing with my mom that I didn't have time to come visit her, and then jumping out from around the corner to surprise her. Then we climbed some spiral staircase and had lunch.

This is where it starts to get intense. I was with my friend Aaron. He took me to this place where there was a hammock overlooking a valley full of yellow wildflowers.I remember the press of the hammock against my bare arm, the warmth of his arms around me, the smell of his cologne and the faint but present smell of his cigarettes. Everything was so THERE. He asked me to marry him. I said yes. We celebrated with our friends, we moved in together.

One day we're sitting at the table, I'm looking at wedding magazines. I can remember the taste of my coffee, the weight of the cup, the grain of the wood, the angle at which the sun was streaming through the windows. Suddenly, I could hear a woman's voice. He couldn't hear it. It kept getting louder. I stood up - and I was in the valley of wildflowers, and the sky is dark, and I can still hear the voice.

It's a woman's voice, cold and detached. It sounds as if she's speaking to someone else, talking about something I don't understand, something technical. I can't remember what she said at all. Only that it terrified me, and that I KNEW I was crazy.

Then I woke up. Lost. Shaking and drenched in sweat. I couldn't figure out why I was in my "old" room when I don't live there anymore. I could picture every detail of my bedroom in my dream, although I don't ever remember seeing it. It took about ten minutes for me to sort out reality.

Listen, all of y'all, it's a sabotage.

This time, we both agreed I'm the right girl; part of him just thinks it's the wrong time. All of me and part of him tried to point out the mistake he's making, but you know how it is - we all have to learn the hard way.

I left Wichita around 1 AM and knew I stood no chance at sleep. I decided it was a good night for a walk and a good chance to get some closure, since I'd just dreamed about Matt again the night before. I went home and got his necklace, then headed back to Newton to throw it in the river. Robert ended up joining me and Randy met us there.

Part of it turned into an epic adventure. We hit the McDonald's drive-thru on foot - and they let us! While we were standing around waiting, a car pulled up with Beastie Boys blaring out the windows. What could I do but dance???

Food consumed, we headed back to the riverwalk and ultimately to the car. But long before we reached the car, something ridiculous and unexpected happened.

Matt texted me.

He was "feeling kinda down" and wanted some company. And I'm a sucker. So the boys and I parted ways and I drove out to the country to aqcuire my very drunk ex-boyfriend and take him back to the river with me.

It was strange, but not entirely unpleasant. We talked about a lot of things, even about our failed relationship a little. He insisted I hang out at his house when I took him home - he played some bass and sang a couple songs he'd written. Finally I had to go home before I fell asleep on his couch.

Less than three hours of sleep later, and still in my Friday Night Clothes, I went to work. God bless energy drinks.

Why is my life so bizarre?