In addition to a drinking problem, I suffer from a man problem.
It's so embarrassingly cliché:
[abandonment by father] + [sexual abuse] + [low self-esteem] = promiscuity!
Of course, promiscuity is a broad term.
At any rate, boys. I tend to need them. To an embarrassing degree. I went back over my old entries and was embarrassed by how many were about boys.
Fortunately, that's not really an issue right now!
We are not allowed to date in the early stages of recovery. And I don't even WANT to. I'm too much a mess right now, I can't handle the pressure of someone making demands of me.
I have a video game boyfriend (I <3 Alistair) thanks to Dragon Age: Origins, and that's all the romance I want!
Although...
I was talking to a friend the other day...a guy. One I had a real shot with, til I got drunk and blew it. And I realized that he was the last good guy in my life. And I threw it away.
Maybe someday...when I'm less of a mess...oh, who knows.
Deciding to spend this year single is the best decision I've ever made in my life. Enjoy this time, my love. Learn to be yourself, WITH yourself, FOR yourself. You deserve it.
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