I want a baby so much. My own tiny person, my own part of me, that I can love and raise and teach all the things it took me so long to learn myself. A little light that will keep shining after I burn out.
Time is running out. I've felt this way for a while, but before it was just the reproductive viability timeline - the drastically increased risk of birth defects that comes with pregnancy after age 35.
Now I'm 27 and have pre-cancerous cells on my cervix.
My life has now become a game of watching and waiting. My future is full of excruciatingly unpleasant tests, which will tell me when the time has come for treatments that will make it difficult (or impossible) to have a baby.
It's so hard to rely on my faith right now. I know that God has a plan for me that I can't hope to understand, but when my heart cries out for something like this it is hard to ignore.
No comments:
Post a Comment