I think I'm in shock.
I haven't cried since the 17th, when I confessed at the Monday night meeting that I very nearly took my life.
When I fell and hit my head last week and I hurt so badly in so many places, I didn't cry.
When I found out mama lost her job, throwing a wrench in the machinations of being a family again, I didn't cry.
When I scheduled a painful invasive medical procedure that is likely only the first in a long battle, I didn't cry.
When I realized that I have to quit force-feeding myself and just wait until my stomach cramps and nausea - which I've had since Sunday night - go away, I didn't cry.
People ask me how I am and I smile and tell them I'm good. I go to meetings, I do my studies and meditations, I pray.
My sleep is tortured; every night, a new nightmare. I wake in pain from the tension in my body.
And yet, I smile. I say I'm fine.
I'm starting to worry about what it's gonne feel like when I stop being fine.
hey girl...im praying for you. i dont always have the answers but i am always willing to listen if you ever need to talk. love you girl and you are amazing! hang in there...God will never leave your side! :)
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