It's almost that time again.
I moved out of the house on April 4th of last year. Our would-be anniversary was June 8th.
This time last year I had three states of being: drunk, hungover, or waiting to get drunk.
I was both lonely and scared to be alone. I felt like a failure. And I was angry at him for blaming everything on me.
So I drank.
The anniversary was the worst. I saw it as a monument to all my sins. I remember killing a bottle of rum, deciding I wasn't drunk enough, and calling someone to take me to the liquor store. By time I was done, I couldn't even raise the glass to my lips, couldn't walk, couldn't function.
That was a MONDAY. Can you imagine how Tuesday felt?
I woke up and decided I was done fucking around.
I knew what I had to do.
I had to come clean to my big brother. About everything.
Of all the people in my life, Russ is the one I worry about disappointing. And the divorce was hard on him, both because it contradicted his beliefs and because he was close to both of us.
So I talked to him about everything. The divorce, the mistakes leading up to it. And somehow, that fixed everything.
So here I am, a year later.
Wedding: $1500
Moving to Kansas: $300
Getting an apartment: $700
Divorce: $174
Finally figuring out who I am: Priceless.
Thats a really tough thing you went through. I can relate in a sense of trying to drown my sorrors in a bottle and whew what an ugly episode in my life as well. But you came out of it a stronger person and you turned out more that all right I'd say. You've done good for yourself kiddo and just keep on trucking and keep that cute chin up :).
ReplyDeleteI had no idea you had this blog and clicked on this link at random. I LOVE you and will read more later. I didn't know you were going through this. Know that you can always, ALWAYS call me. Signed, You Know whoAAAAAY!
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